Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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