i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize