I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
