I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
