I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
