My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
