if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
