If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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