Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
