you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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