I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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