i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
