There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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