On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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