Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
