That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
