You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
