please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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