Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
