If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
