how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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