hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
