I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
did i walk over a car last night?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You ate ashes out of my bong
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
