Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it's like heaven, but drunker
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
