Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
