dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize