i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
