He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
