I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
