just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
