My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
