My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
