She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
