just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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