i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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