Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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