my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
