DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
