Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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