He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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