I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's rum buckets o'clock
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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