I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we're making bets on your personal life
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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