There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
