as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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