two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My ass is underappreciated
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
