Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
