what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
