we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
