Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
