I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
