i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
