I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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