I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize