can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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