Already got asked if we're dating
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
