pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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