Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
