I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
