This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
