i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
