I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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