What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
