so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
only you would photoshop your dick
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
