dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
