Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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