You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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