I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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